Three Times Padma Almost Came Out to Parvati and the One Time She Did
by hmweasley
Summary: Admitting to herself that she was gay was the hardest thing Padma had ever done, but that wasn't the end of the struggle. She still had to find the courage to come out to everyone else. First on her list: her sister.


**A/N: This was supposed to be up before Pride Month ended, but better late than never. Also, I never thought I'd write one of these "Three Times..." fics, but I realized it fit, so here we are.**

 **This was written for the Dialogue Wheel challenge on HPFC using the dialogue "** **I swear, if I have to spend one more day - no - one more minute with that [man/women/etc] I will kill someone."**

 **Word count: 2,371**

 **Warning for homophobia that happens off the page but includes accusations of pedophilia and is alluded to.**

The day Padma had said out loud to an empty room that she was gay had been the scariest day in her fifteen years of life so far, even with the war brewing outside of Hogwarts. It had left her shaking long after the words had dissipated into the air. For days afterward, she had felt like anyone could tell she had said them just by looking at her.

Gradually, it had become easier to get the words out to herself, but every time Padma considered speaking the words to someone else, the anxiety came back at full force. For months, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to do it. Or that she'd ever _want_ to do it. In some ways, the idea of staying in the closet felt easier. Though she knew that was the fear talking. That was the life she was already living, and there was nothing easy about it.

She'd made a number of good friends while at Hogwarts, but she knew her sister had to be the first person she came out to. They had spent less time together since arriving at Hogwarts and being sorted into different houses, but Parvati was still her twin. They'd been inseparable for their first decade of life, and Padma couldn't imagine telling her friends the truth before she'd told Parvati.

The problem was that the idea of telling Parvati left her paralyzed and entirely unable to make a move. She'd feel as if she'd finally worked up enough courage, but then she was looking Parvati in the eyes and all that courage vanished.

It had been Parvati who'd been sorted into Gryffindor, not Padma.

The first time she'd put a serious effort into saying something, they'd been in the library studying side-by-side. It was one of the most frequent places they met. Padma had loved reading since she was a child, and though Parvati had never been as interested in books, she'd long been accustomed to searching for her sister among them. She'd listen to Padma rave about whatever book she was reading, and occasionally she'd be intrigued enough to pick it up for herself.

Padma's taste in books had shifted since her self-discovery. She'd searched through Hogwarts' shelves to find the books about people like her, and she took to reading them with ferocity as long as no one was around to question her about it.

She hadn't expected Parvati to arrive, and she certainly hadn't expected to be asked what book she was reading when the answer was a romance between two girls. Her cheeks flamed as she stammered out a response.

"Romance book."

Moments earlier, her stomach had been full of butterflies as she anticipated the characters' first kiss, but suddenly, with Parvati looking down at her with one eyebrow raised, Padma felt like vomiting. In the moment, she was half convinced that Parvati could read the book even as Padma held it strategically to hide its contents.

"Is it a good one?" Parvati asked, sitting beside her sister and leaning in for a closer book.

"Yes," Padma said as she snapped the book closed.

Parvati jumped back at the gesture. Her gaze was questioning, and Padma swallowed, prepared for the inevitable question about her strange behavior.

"Usually you can't shut up about good books. Just what are you reading?"

"Nothing," Padma stuttered, going so far as to stand up and clutch the book to her chest in her panic. "It's nothing."

It was very clear that it wasn't 'nothing,' but something in Padma's panicked demeanor had shown Parvati that it wasn't a good idea to question her sister further. After a tense moment, the other girl shrugged the behavior off and asked if Padma could help her with her Transfiguration homework.

Padma felt as if she should have been relieved, but even once they'd both completed their homework, her hands were shaking.

XXX

Months passed without Parvati letting on that she had any recollection of what had transpired in the library. Perhaps that should have calmed Padma down. It didn't. She was more anxious than ever.

She'd taken to avoiding her sister. It was easier than looking her in the eye and knowing that she knew something was up. It was hard to believe that she'd have guessed the correct explanation, but if she was trying to narrow down the possibilities, who was to say she wouldn't stumble upon homosexuality eventually?

The Christmas holidays came, and Padma dreaded them for the first time.

The Patil family didn't celebrate Christmas, but Padma was always as excited for a break from school as anyone else. She and Parvati had come up with their own ways of marking the holidays, and Padma would typically find herself unable to sleep the night before they left the castle in her anticipation.

That year, she was unable to sleep due to an entirely different sort of anticipation.

Sure enough, she found herself alone with Parvati frequently while they were home.

If it had been summer, she could have escaped to her friends' houses for the day, but she'd learned years earlier that the same wasn't true of the Christmas holidays. For her friends, these days meant family time, and they were far too busy with their traditions for Padma to see much of them, which hadn't been a problem before.

Padma lasted three awkward days before she nearly broke.

She was sitting in the living room with Parvati. Padma had a book in her lap she couldn't focus on, and Parvati was lounging in front of the stereo, which she was constantly messing with as each new song came on. They were both bored and trying to convince themselves they weren't.

It was the perfect opening to say something. Padma knew it was.

She'd been telling herself for ages that she'd tell Parvati the truth when it made sense too, and she'd always imagined that would be when they were alone with no chance of being interrupted and weren't distracted by anything else. At Hogwarts, as members of different houses, it had been impossible for any situation to satisfy her criteria. At home, it was easy.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, so close she didn't think she could stop them, but Parvati came to a new song that made her squeal in excitement.

"Oh! This is the latest Spell Checkers song! Have you heard it? Merlin, it makes me want a boyfriend so badly. Can you believe we're both still single?"

There was nothing wrong with what Parvati had said. On a logical level, Padma knew it shouldn't have discouraged her, but the mention of 'boyfriend' had been enough to push her words back down her throat.

She gave Parvati a false grin and turned back to her book. A safe one about a boy and a girl that wouldn't raise suspicions if Parvati questioned her about it. She'd learned her lesson.

XXX

The next time she almost said something, it was on a whim, not something she considered for any length of time.

Students flooded the corridors, but Padma spotted Parvati easily. They always exchanged quick hellos in this corridor between classes on Thursday, and Padma wanted to warn her about what she'd be getting into when she took Flitwick's lesson later in the day. It had been a difficult one.

Thoughts of Charms class fled her mind as she approached her sister to find her fuming as Lavender stood by trying to calm her.

"What happened?"

Both Gryffindor girls spun to face her, Lavender's eyes growing wider once she realized they had company.

"Gregory Goyle is what happened," Parvati fumed. "I swear, if I have to spend one more day—no—one more minute with that poor excuse for a human being, I will kill someone."

Padma shifted to her other foot, glancing between the girls. No one liked Goyle, but never before had he gotten her sister been this fired up about something he'd done.

"What did Goyle do then?"

Lavender tried to answer first, but she was quickly drowned out by Parvati, who spoke in a loud voice that made it clear she had no problem with being overheard by other students.

"He's a homophobic dick. That's what happened."

Padma's heart raced. As ridiculous as it might have been, she was far more focused on the fact Parvati had used the word 'homophobic' and knew what it meant than she was about whatever Goyle had said.

She couldn't come up with a response, but thankfully, she didn't need to because Lavender was quick to fill in the gaps in Parvati's explanation.

"He made a nasty comment about how Harry must be…"

Her cheeks flushed, and she gew unable to look the other girls in the eye.

"Well, it was quite disgusting," she concluded. "Thankfully, Harry didn't hear it. He has enough to deal with right now between NEWTs and…"

She trailed off, gesturing with her hands, but they knew she meant Dumbledore's Army as well as all the shit Umbridge and the Ministry were putting him through.

"He doesn't need people saying anything else about him," she finished.

When Padma spoke, it was slow as she considered each word.

"So, Goyle called Harry gay?"

"Not exactly," Lavender said as Parvati growled in anger next to her. "He was saying nasty stuff about Dumbledore too...if you get what I mean."

Padma did, and she was suddenly grateful that Parvati and Lavender had been vague. What she'd heard was enough to make her stomach churn.

"Did he say it in class?" Padma asked. "Did Professor Snape hear?"

Parvati snorted.

"As if that would make a difference. He ignores anything the Slytherins say. They could be boasting about offing Muggles, and Snape would ignore it. They were back there all class making horrible jokes. We were sitting in front of them. It was terrible."

"I thought Parvati was going to hex him," Lavender said with a grimace. "I could hardly hold her back. That would have been a disaster."

"Snape doesn't ignore us," Parvati agreed with a frown.

Padma nodded absentmindedly. Her mind was on something different, not quite related to Parvati's and Lavender's concerns. Before she could blurt anything out, however, the rushing of the students reminded them that they had classes to get to, and Parvati was quickly gone, leaving Padma to hurry in the opposite direction.

By the time they saw each other again, Padma had calmed down from the high of hearing her sister's anger, and it wasn't as tempting to blurt out the truth. So she didn't. Not yet.

XXX

Hogwarts wasn't the same at the end of the year as it had been on September first. Suddenly, the Ministry was willing to admit that Harry had been right all along. Umbridge was fired; Dumbledore was back. It certainly hadn't been what Padma had expected the year to be when it had begun.

The atmosphere at the school felt darker than ever. Padma couldn't believe that her own classmates had broken into the Ministry of Magic and faced off against Death Eaters and You-Know-Who himself.

Between the brewing war and OWLs, Padma had had little time to think about her personal problems for awhile. She might have forgotten them even longer if it hadn't been for her sister.

The blue sky above them was stunning, dotted as it was by fluffy cumulus clouds. It was a picturesque early summer day, and it made Padma long for the upcoming summer holidays. Though things were sure to get worse, the weather made it hard to imagine it.

Parvati had all but dragged her out to the grounds, claiming they needed to celebrate finishing their OWLs. If they'd taken the tests any other year, Padma might have agreed. As it was, 'celebrating' felt wrong, but she'd been unable to escape her sister's insistence.

They sat side-by-side, sheltered from direct sunlight by the castle wall behind them. In front of them, they could look out across the grounds and see the Great Lake and edges of the Forbidden Forest. Padma liked this spot. There was no better vantage point to view the grounds from unless you climbed one of the towers to see it from inside the castle.

"What do you think this summer will be like?" Parvati asked quietly.

Her eyes remained on the landscape in front of them.

"I don't know," Padma admitted, her own voice wavering.

Neither of them had lived through war before, and despite their year of extra Defence practice, they weren't prepared for it. The worried letters their parents had been sending since the morning the news broke of the Ministry break-in had only increased the anxiety Padma felt.

Parvati reached out to grasp Padma's hand, squeezing it tightly. Though she was confused, Padma was quick to squeeze back, reassuring her sister in whatever way she could.

"Things are going to get bad," Parvati said.

Her eyes were intense and held Padma in place.

"I don't want to put up walls between myself and the people I care about when everything could be gone the next day."

Padma's heart raced. She knew what Parvati was getting at though she didn't know how she knew. She remained silent.

"I don't want secrets," Parvati concluded.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. Padma could feel her pulse roaring in her ears as she fought with herself. The whole time, Parvati watched her with a gentle but firm gaze. Their hands remained clasped together, and Padma was thankful for it as it kept her from floundering further.

"Parvati, I'm gay."

Even before she could process her sister's reaction, Padma felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. During months of anticipation, she had been unable to fully appreciate how freeing saying the words to someone else would be. She felt as if she would float away, and Parvati's hands were the only thing holding her to the earth.

Parvati grinned, and Padma's heart soared higher.

The two sisters smiled at each other for a moment before Parvati pulled Padma in for a hug.

"Thank you for being brave enough to tell me," she whispered quietly into her sister's ear.


End file.
